The greatest depth of intimacy you and your spouse experience in marriage isn’t physical intimacy. It’s not even emotional intimacy. The most profound connection in marriage is spiritual.
Spiritual intimacy is a sense of unity and mutual commitment to God’s purpose for your lives and marriage. It’s a special respect for the deepest dreams each of you cry out for. As with emotional intimacy, cultivating spiritual intimacy requires value, energy, sacrifice, and trust.
“I value God’s purpose for your life and the dreams of your heart.” A godly marriage is when two people get together, and both are created in God’s image and recognize God’s call on their lives. They become a team in which both help each other achieve their full potential in God—both individually and as a couple.
This means the husband is not the most important person in the relationship. Neither is the wife. Both of you partner with God to lift up the other. Instead of thinking “You’re here for me,” you begin to think, “I’m here for you.” As a spouse, your job is to be a dream-maker, not a dream-breaker.
“I commit to pursuing God individually and together to find and fulfill God’s call on my life, your life, and our marriage.” This is the “energy” aspect of building spiritual intimacy. Like any part of marriage, you have to put in the effort.
This means spending the time to pray together, to seek God together, to worship together, and to talk openly to each other about your dreams and desires. Together, you have to seek Him and invite Him into your relationship.
“I sacrifice the desire to only promote myself or worry about myself.” In the Garden, the Devil never attacked Adam when he was alone. The Devil only got involved when God created Eve to be Adam’s companion. Two are stronger than one.
That’s important to realize within marriage: It’s not about you as an individual. It’s about the two of you, as a team. Both of you have to sacrifice the natural selfishness humans are born with. Set it aside. The strongest marriages are made of two sacrificial servants who look out for each other’s interests instead of their own.
“I will create an atmosphere of trust where you can share your deepest spiritual desires and know I will honor them.” Research shows that couples’ biggest fights are on a dream level. One of Karen’s major dreams was financial security, so we disagreed most when my spending habits threatened that.
Other people value an orderly home or minimal stress. Their hearts cry out for it. Whether that’s something you value or not, you have to help meet that need for your spouse. You have to honor that dream and create an atmosphere that supports that dream in your marriage.
Honoring your spouse’s deepest desires requires value, energy, sacrifice and trust. To cultivate spiritual intimacy, ask yourself this question: Am I a dream-maker for my spouse? Or am I a dream-breaker?
Jimmy Evans // Marriage Today