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Marriage

๐Ÿ’ The Battle For Control And Dominance

๐Ÿ’ The Battle For Control And Dominance

In 1998, the famed psychology professor John Gottman released a fascinating study. For six years, he interviewed 130 newly married couples in a project about listening in relationships. He compared them to another group he had been monitoring for 13 years. The purpose of the study was to gauge the effectiveness of a certain kind of communication, but in the process of researching so many couples he came to an unrelated conclusion: The common element among the…

How Do You Fight Selfishness in Marriage?

How Do You Fight Selfishness in Marriage?

I was doing some homework at breakfast, planning to meet a close friend and mentor the next morning. And I needed to be ready. I love connecting with him, but every time I do, he asks me the same question: “What has God been teaching you lately?” I don’t always have an answer, and I wanted to prepare a theologically deep and appropriately pithy response. And then, just as my brain was getting into a groove, Erin…

๐Ÿ’ Why Couples Really Fight

๐Ÿ’ Why Couples Really Fight

Fear is one of the most destructive forces in an individualโ€™s life, and one of the most destructive forces in marriage. Fear causes you to do the things that will make your fears come true. Thatโ€™s why it never motivates right behavior. When Karen and I first got married, we let fear guide us. I tried to hide my fear with macho behavior because I was afraid of failure. I didnโ€™t want to be perceived as weak.…

How Would Jesus Date?

How Would Jesus Date?

While Jesus never dated, He did have friends. And His friendships reveal the nature of His relationships in such a way that we can imagine how He would date. Brain research suggests that romantic attachment โ€” infatuation โ€” is more powerful than the sex drive. Neurologically speaking, itโ€™s easier to say no to physical sexual passion than it is to regulate the rush of emotional infatuation. Think about that. Consider all the sermons youโ€™ve heard as a…

๐Ÿ’ How to Share Your Dreams and Desires

๐Ÿ’ How to Share Your Dreams and Desires

The greatest depth of intimacy you and your spouse experience in marriage isnโ€™t physical intimacy. Itโ€™s not even emotional intimacy. The most profound connection in marriage is spiritual. Spiritual intimacy is a sense of unity and mutual commitment to Godโ€™s purpose for your lives and marriage. Itโ€™s a special respect for the deepest dreams each of you cry out for. As with emotional intimacy, cultivating spiritual intimacy requires value, energy, sacrifice, and trust. โ€œI value Godโ€™s purpose…

How A Close Connection with God Brings Hope to Your Relationships

How A Close Connection with God Brings Hope to Your Relationships

My husband declared he wanted a vista. โ€œA vista!โ€ I cried, โ€œyou said you wanted a view!โ€ His declaration was my undoing. In one day, Tom and I had sold the farm where weโ€™d lived for 23 years. What resulted was a flurry of activity to thin out the possessions weโ€™d collected andย downsize. We both agreed on our top priority for the new home: We wanted a view. After a month of looking, I found the sweetest…

๐Ÿ’ How to Keep Your Marriage Flying High

๐Ÿ’ How to Keep Your Marriage Flying High

Letโ€™s say your family is an airplane. You and your spouse are the pilots. Your children are riding as passengers. Maybe youโ€™ve been flying this plane for so many years youโ€™re just operating on autopilot. Itโ€™s easy. Itโ€™s efficient. But flying on autopilot can put you out of practice if something goes wrong. And when something challenging occurs, if you canโ€™t keep the plane in the air, you donโ€™t just hurt yourself and your spouse. You hurt…

๐Ÿ’ How To Fall In Love All Over Again

๐Ÿ’ How To Fall In Love All Over Again

Soul mates are not born. Theyโ€™re made. Thatโ€™s a fact that may discourage people who think marriage should be easy, but itโ€™s the truth. God created marriage to succeed. But that success requires us to put energy into it. In other words, you have to work at marriage. As an example, letโ€™s talk about emotions. One misconception about marriage is that the emotions will always be there. Youโ€™ll always feel โ€œin love.โ€ The truth is that youโ€™ll…

๐Ÿ’ Striking Your Spiritual And Emotional Match

๐Ÿ’ Striking Your Spiritual And Emotional Match

When people ask Karen and me to explain to them the secret of our marriage, I usually have a one-word answer:ย God. God is the secret of our marriage. He is the secret of why we are together. The greatest intimacy that we experience is the spiritual part of our relationship. Thatโ€™s why we work hard to create spiritual intimacy in our marriage. But spiritual intimacy requires emotional intimacy. And emotional intimacy means both spouses need to be…