Life is about relationships. It’s about marriage, family, friends, God—all the most significant parts of our lives are built on the foundation of relationship.
That’s why I believe humans are not going to be any happier than their level of relationship. Your ability to enjoy other people or get along with the closest people in your life depends on your own emotional health. Even your relationship with God can be tied to your emotional health.
Successful marriages and fulfilling lives require being emotionally healthy people. But many of us start marriage in a state of emotional unhealth.
Take Karen and me, for instance. When we got married, both of us were devastated emotionally. We loved each other, but we fought constantly. Despite being attracted to each other, there were times we could hardly stand to be in the same room together.
Why? It’s because we were the walking wounded. We both came out of very dysfunctional homes. Karen’s parents were not saved when she was growing up. My parents were not saved, either. We grew up in emotionally unhealthy environments.
As a result, Karen had terrible self-esteem when we first met. In fact, she was filled with self-hatred. She thought she was ugly. She thought God hated her.
I had my own issues with self-esteem. Instead of hating myself, though, I thought too much of myself. I tried to be macho. I acted like I didn’t have any problems, but I was totally messed up.
We were so unhealthy that we couldn’t help but hurt each other. Like two porcupines trying to hug, the closer we got, the more pain we caused. The early years of our marriage were excruciating. We almost divorced.
That we are still married today is due to the grace of God, because He healed us from the emotional scars in our past. And I believe He can heal you as well.
Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit…and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”
God’s Word is active and alive. It pierces the spirit and changes the heart. It is powerful, and when it reaches inside us, it is able to do something with our thoughts that no one else can do.
In other words, if you have a wrong concept of God or you don’t view life the way God intended, this may be caused by emotional scars from your past. Maybe something was said to you as a child. Maybe you were abused. Maybe you still harbor unforgiveness.
Opening your heart to allow God to do a deeper work in your life, through His Word, can heal these emotional wounds. It was only after Karen and I began to really study God’s Word that He began the process of healing our hearts—and our marriage.
Psalm 107:20 says, “He sent His word and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.” That’s what happened with us. He healed us through the powerful words and lessons in the Bible.
I share these lessons in an online video program called the 21-Day Inner Healing Journey, and it uses Scripture to walk you through the emotional healing process. But whether you use this guide or not, I encourage you to study the Bible. Take its teachings to heart, and ask God to heal your spirit.
When He does, you’ll find that He has healed your marriage as well.
Jimmy Evans // Marriage Today