Sex is a vital part of a healthy, fulfilling marriage. To create an atmosphere where you and your spouse can discover ultimate sexual fulfillment, you need to include these essential ingredients.
Commit to meeting your spouse’s needs. According to Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 7, our bodies belong to each other when we get married. God created marriage to be a place of pleasure and delight—and that centers around your spouse. This isn’t a license for abuse. But it is a license for use.
There are many ways to please each other within the context of marriage, and many ways to enjoy sex. What this commitment means is that the two of you will be faithful to meet each other’s sexual needs for the rest of your lives.
Communicate about each other’s needs. This means you are open about your sexual needs while encouraging your spouse to communicate about his or her needs. Over years of counseling, I’ve found that many couples just don’t talk about their sexual needs. But of course you should talk to each other about sex.
Don’t be ashamed to answer questions like “What do you enjoy?” or “What do you not like as much?” When couples refuse to communicate, they fall into unhealthy patterns. One spouse may withhold sex because of a certain aspect of it—but withdrawing altogether seems easier than talking it over.
Like many problems in marriage, this can be avoided with honest communication.
Commit to sexual purity. Protecting the integrity of your marriage is a huge deal. It means taking your thoughts captive and not allowing lust or fantasy for another person to enter your mind.
These things—pornography and temptation—are centered in your thoughts. Take control of your thoughts by replacing impure thoughts with better thoughts, like verses of Scripture.
Another aspect of sexual purity is a refusal to develop inappropriate emotional or sexual relationships with anyone outside your marriage, regardless of the condition of your marriage.
Be very careful with Facebook or other social media accounts that make it easy to hide extramarital communication. I recommend spouses have the passwords to each other’s computer, phone, and online accounts. If you are hiding these things from each other, something is already wrong with your relationship.
Communicate your sexual problems. Not only is it important to communicate your needs, but it’s also crucial to talk through conflicts related to sex. And more couples have sexual problems than you might think.
In many marriages, one spouse may simply have a lack of desire. This can result from any number of issues, including stress, fatigue, past abuse, or unresolved conflicts. A couple needs to talk about these things, because a lack of desire from one spouse can strand the other spouse sexually.
Talk to each other. Get help if it becomes necessary. Talk to a doctor or counselor. Whatever the problem, you need to deal with it aggressively because it impacts your marriage.
God created marriage, and sex is a gift He gave to married couples. He wants you to enjoy that gift. He wants your marriage to be sexually fulfilling—and that wonderful result can happen once you commit and communicate.
Jimmy Evans // Marriage Today