What Your Husband Really Wants for Christmas
Forget the ties and BBQ apron, your man would much rather see these gifts wrapped up on Christmas Day.
I love Christmas shopping. I’ll spend weeks before the big day searching for the right gift that conveys just what that particular person means to me or our family. Nothing elaborate or overly expensive but something that is practical and comes from the heart.
When it comes to my husband, on the other hand, I’m usually stuck. The man is hard to shop for. Outside of something with four-wheel drive or a large outboard motor, there isn’t much he wants.
When we were first married, it was easier somehow. One year, I bought Josh basketball tickets to his favorite college team. The game was on New Year’s Eve, so I booked us a room at a nice hotel nearby. I put our game tickets and hotel confirmation in a box topped with a new hat and was good to go.
But somewhere along the way in our 13 years of marriage, it became less and less apparent what to get my favorite guy in the world for Christmas. The more we built a life together, the less, it seemed, I knew what to wrap up for him under the tree.
So I did what any good wife would do. I bugged him about it. I asked him what he wanted. He said “nothing.” I made suggestions. His less than enthusiastic “sure” told me I just wasn’t on target.
What to get for the guy who wants “nothing”
Why is it so hard to shop for men? Probably because we are coming at it from a woman’s point of view. A man would ask, “Why are women so hard to shop for?” Well, it’s because we’re created so differently. A little Scripture searching and marriage experience will teach you that. Both men and women were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). But this time of year, it seems the similarities end there.
So where does that leave us wives who really want to express to our husbands just how much they mean to us? For one, accept the differences between you and your spouse. Two, read on.
Without further ado, here is what your husband really wants for Christmas.
Your undivided attention. Kids or not, women tend to take on a lot this time of year. Finding the perfect gift for everyone on our list, school and/or office parties, baking galore, and trying to pack every Hallmark movie-worthy moment into the holiday season can quickly pull us away from the true meaning of Christmas, and even farther away from our husbands.
This year, offer your husband the gift of your attention. Carve some time out of your hectic holiday schedule to take him out to his favorite restaurant for lunch or dinner and then just sit and listen to how he’s doing and what is going on in his life. Even better, if your budget allows, wrap a little box for under the tree and place inside it hotel reservations for a night away for just the two of you. No kid talk or work worries allowed—just you and your favorite guy catching up on knowing each other.
It probably gets harder to shop for our significant others as time goes by for this very reason—we’ve stopped seeking to know each other. If you’ve been married past the honeymoon phase, you’re probably finding out he isn’t the person you married anymore. You aren’t either. People change as they grow, and you’ll need to ask yourself—do you want to grow together or grow apart?
Your involvement in his passions. My husband is an avid outdoor sportsman. He can spend hours organizing his lures and lines before a fishing trip, and he looks forward to waking up before the crack of dawn to sit in a tree stand in freezing temperatures to await a deer that may or may not come. It’s his thing.
Me, not so much. I love snuggling under a warm blanket in the morning, steaming cup of peppermint mocha in my hand. But that doesn’t mean I won’t cast a line or stomp through the woods beside my man. In fact, some of my favorite memories with my husband have been spent doing things that are more his hobbies than mine. Like the time we woke early for a long drive to Lake Monticello in southern Arkansas. The wind was blowing hard, and the waters were insanely choppy. And then the boat broke down in the middle of the lake, and we had to putter back to shore in reverse. We didn’t catch a single fish that day. Now, we laugh about it all the time.
Engaging in what excites your husband not only expresses your love to him, but it gives you an amazing opportunity to get to know him outside of the day-to-day and strengthens your friendship. Plan something for just the two of you this season. Maybe wrap up some his and hers camo under the tree, or if your husband is an avid reader, pick up two copies of a book he has mentioned wanting, and read it along with him. Whatever his hobby is, find a way to be a part of it every now and then.
Respect and admiration. The Apostle Peter speaks directly to wives in the following verse—”Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word” (1 Peter 3:1-2). Other translations sub the word “subject” for “respect” here. Those words weren’t chosen by chance, but deliberately inspired by the awesome Creator of men. The One who created our husbands created them to need—to crave—respect from their wives, their helpers. As wives, it is a way to love our husbands well. Respect = Love.
So how do you gift respect for Christmas? Maybe take the time to write him a letter. Tell him all the ways his guidance has helped you over the years. Remind him you couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do this crazy thing called life without him. Tell him all the ways he is leading your family well and the many things you adore about him—his sense of humor, his ability to stay calm when you panic, even how he looks in that certain pair of jeans. Ladies, your guy needs to hear it.
Also, take the time to ask your husband what communicates respect to him, or, better yet, ask him if there are ways you might be disrespecting him without knowing. I had a bad habit of correcting my husband in front of our children. It wasn’t over big things, just tiny issues that seemed like nothing to me. But my “minor” corrections weren’t so minor to him—it came across as criticism. I am (still) learning to hold my tongue and to discuss any issues out of the earshot of the kids. Why? Because I want him to know I love and respect him. Not just at Christmas, but all year long.
And while you are at it, thank God for all the ways He made you two so different. My husband is strong in nearly every way I am weak. I thank God for creating Josh the way He did.
SEX. Seriously, ladies. Your husband wants your physical affection far more than any elaborately decorated package under the tree.
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine” (Song of Solomon 1:2). Everyday life can quickly make its way to the bedroom if we let it. Wives, this is a warning to you especially. Protect your marriage by taking care of your husband’s physical needs, as well. What man wouldn’t want to hear his “love is better than wine?”
Here’s an easy present for your husband—no box or gift receipt needed. Just hang that mistletoe in the bedroom this year, and remind him he is still attractive to you and is the only man who can fill your needs.
And here is one more thing your husband would appreciate …
Some slack. I love this time of year and everything that comes with it—the childlike excitement, red and green adorning every square inch of space, the lights and music, Christmas parades, and the drive-through nativity at the church near our home.
My precious husband and I are night and day all year long, but at no other time is it as apparent as it is during the holiday season. And when I expect him to react to all the festivities with the same level of glee and zest as I do, it only causes tension and saps the joy from both our hearts. And that is not how I want to spend the holidays with my love.
So take a moment to gift your husband some slack this Christmas. Chances are, he is racking his brain to come up with the perfect gift for you, too. source
What Your Wife Really Wants for Christmas
Forget perfume and diamonds … give your wife something that speaks to her heart.
Every year my husband dutifully asks if there is anything I would like for Christmas. And every year I rattle off a list of items I want or need but never got around to actually getting for myself. (Moms especially are terrible about not buying items we need, like socks.) And so it goes for birthdays, Mother’s Day …
Please don’t think I’m complaining. If it weren’t for you wonderful husbands, we might never have anything we actually need (in my case, warm feet). But most women I know who say, “Oh, anything would make me happy,” don’t really mean it. They do not want to unwrap new windshield wiper blades or something they have no intention of actually using. You probably already know this and feel frustrated when you get that response.
So let’s talk.
We know women can be hard to shop for (honestly, we feel the same way about you). If you feel stuck shopping for your wife this year, maybe it’s time to step outside the box this Christmas. Instead of dazzling her with diamonds, delight in the joy she brings to your life. As Solomon wrote in Proverbs 18:22, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”
Has your lovely lady been a blessing to you? Christmas is a great time to remind her of how much better your life is with her in it. She needs to hear it. So for the gentlemen having a hard time finding the perfect gift for their beautiful brides, here are a few ideas of what your wife really wants for Christmas.
1. She wants you to know her.
I’m sure right now you’re thinking, What?! Of course I know my wife. I married her! But do you really know her?
Women can easily struggle with who we are. (No jokes about multiple personalities, guys.) We’re confident in our identities as mothers. Even as wives, most of the time. But if you stripped all that away, would anyone recognize us? As much as we love you and the kids, we still crave for someone to really know us.
Guys, what does your wife fear? Dream? Does she have a goal just for herself?
Let her know you see her for who God created her to be. Give her the gift of knowing her. Slip a pretty box under the tree with an invitation for dinner or even a special lunch. If sitters or cost are issues, make it for after the kids are in bed and stay home. Spend the time getting to know her all over again.
Here are some starter questions:
- What is one fear you are struggling with right now?
- What is something you always wanted to learn but never found the time?
- What’s your favorite (color, book, movie, food, etc.)? Why?
You might be surprised to discover you don’t know this woman as well as you thought. She has dreams, expectations, fears, and hopes that have nothing to do with being a wife and mother.
2. She wants to know she can still turn your head.
I know we can get in a habit of donning sweatpants and old t-shirts the moment we get home from work or running errands. And if your kids are young, it’s hard to feel like a hot wife when sticky hands have touched you all day, the baby spit up on your shoulder, and the kids didn’t nap so you didn’t get a shower. Again.
Maybe we don’t have the trim waistline we had when we said “I do,” but we still need to know we turn you on. That you still find us desirable, and you can still see a glimpse of the blushing bride you married. And if you haven’t noticed, we tend to see ourselves in a negative light most of the time. We see every wrinkle, dimple, stretch mark, and gray hair.
So unless your wife has directly asked for a gym membership, a gift card to her favorite stylist to have those roots covered, or something similar, do not give her something that will make her look better. Your compliments can make her shine brighter than an overpriced chemical peel (and it’s a lot less painful).
For Christmas, sneak a list in her stocking of the top five things that turn you on about her. Maybe it’s the way she looks at you over her shoulder, her laugh, or maybe it really is the way she looks in those sweatpants and old tees.
3. She wants a day off.
If the love of your life is a mom, this might be the best gift you get her. Ever. You will be a rock star, and all her friends will be jealous. (Not that that’s the point.)
For one day, take care of all the things your wife would normally do—laundry, kids, meal planning, kitchen clean up, the endless errands. You’ll get bonus points if at the end of the day you tell her you have no idea how she gets it all done. And at the end of the day do not say, “Today was so easy.” That is dangerous ground, fellas.
Or if your wife is the chef of the house, gift her a week’s worth of dinners made by you. Or get takeout every night if it fits your budget. Either way, plan the menu, buy the ingredients, and take that burden off her plate for a week.
Whether she works 9-5 outside the home or not, giving her time to herself while you dive in to her daily routine shows that you recognize all the things she does for your family. Trust me, she has probably wondered if anyone notices.
4. She wants physical affection that doesn’t lead straight to the bedroom.
Bear with me for a moment, guys. It’s not that she doesn’t want to head to the bedroom with you (she does). But a lot of wives I speak to worry that their husbands want sex more than they want them. Does that make sense?
Yes, it may seem silly to you. Yes, it should be taken as a compliment that you want them so much. But the worry is still there. For most men, sex is a form of intimacy. For most women, sex is a by-product of intimacy.
If you think this might be true for your wife, give her an amazing back rub, run your fingers through her hair, or massage her feet that have been in heels all day. Hold her hand, snuggle up next to her on the couch after dinner, randomly hug her and kiss her. And then don’t expect anything else. If she initiates more, by all means, go with it. But if she just wants to fall asleep in your arms, let it be.
(And don’t think I’m picking on you. I address this issue from a different standpoint in “What Your Husband Really Wants for Christmas.”)
5. She wants something that reaffirms her role.
We put a lot of heart into being a mom and wife. So when we fail, even if for a moment, it can be crushing.
Your wife probably doubts herself and second guesses whether she’s good enough. Men, your opinion matters far more than you will ever know. Remind her that she’s doing a good job, that the little things she is doing matter and are noticed.
For Christmas, tell her. Write her a sappy love note (even grown girls like that stuff). Get specific. Maybe she held your hand through some of the hardest parts of life. Maybe those little encouraging reminders from her mean a lot. Let her know how much she means to you and your family.
If words don’t come easy, an object can help. A friend received a small globe charm from her husband. The note said, “You keep our world spinning.” Another friend told me about a gift her husband had given her when money was tight. It was a box of rubber bands. He said, “You’re the one that holds me together.” (All the women are saying “aww …” right now.)
Guys, when it comes down to it, most women just want to know you love us. That can be done with a simple letter or even a small gift reflecting an inside joke you share. My husband once wrote me a love letter with 30 little sticky notes on the bathroom mirror. I loved every single one. Some just had silly faces drawn on them. I might have loved those the most.
This Christmas, give yourself some credit. You love your wife. I know this because you read all the way to the end. And I think, deep down, you already know what your wife really wants for Christmas. source